Lead Up Without Sucking Up

Let’s be honest, most of us have worked with that person who thinks flattery is a shortcut to favor. They’re always agreeing, always praising, always angling. And while they might call it “support,” the rest of us see it for what it is: sucking up!

But here’s the good news…you can lead up without selling out. In fact, great leaders want you to lead up. They want your ideas, your initiative, and your insight. They just want it to come from a place of authenticity, not ambition in disguise.

So how do you do that? Here are three practical steps to help you increase upward influence with honesty and relational credibility.

1. TIME IT RIGHT.

Influence isn’t just about what you say; it’s when you say it. You might have a great idea or a valuable observation, but if you bring it up during a stressful meeting, or right after a project tanks, it may land wrong. Timing can make the difference between sounding like a trusted teammate or a tone-deaf opportunist.

Instead of blurting it out, pay attention to your leader’s rhythms. Are they more open in the mornings or during one-on-one meetings? Do they process verbally or through email? Choosing the right moment to speak up shows emotional intelligence and respect.

If you’re unsure, simply start by asking the question: “Is now a good time to share an idea I’ve been thinking about?” This communicates humility and leadership in one sentence.

2. BE AUTHENTIC AND ADD VALUE.

People can smell fake a mile away. Leading up isn’t about finding clever ways to get in your boss’s good graces; it’s about contributing to what matters most to them.

Instead of asking, “What can I correct in my leader?” ask, “How can I support what they’re trying to accomplish?”

This begins by understanding their heartbeat (what drives them) and their priorities (what they have to get done). When you bring insights, stories, or solutions that align with those two things, you’re not brown-nosing—you’re building trust.

Think of it as a math problem: Connection (—Correction) + Authenticity + Aligned Value = Lasting Influence.

3. LEARN THEIR STYLE AND COMMUNICATE ACCORDINGLY.

Your motive matters. If you’re showing up with pure intentions, willing to support, speaking truth, and seeking connection (not attention!), your leader will feel it. They may not say it out loud, but they’ll know.

And over time, you’ll earn influence not because you tried to impress them, but because you chose to invest in them.

4. SPEAK TRUTH—BUT WITH TACT.

Truth without tact feels like criticism. Tact without truth feels like flattery. The sweet spot of leadership influence is where honesty meets care.

If something isn’t working, and you see it clearly, don’t hold back—just slow down long enough to consider how your feedback will be received. Ask yourself, “Does this help us move forward?” If so, say it. But say it in a way that keeps dignity intact.

Leading up doesn’t mean staying silent. It means learning to challenge with character.

5. DON’T JUST PERFORM—PARTNER.

There’s a difference between trying to be impressive and trying to be helpful. One demands attention. The other earns trust.

When you step into meetings with ideas, solutions, and a “we’re in this together” attitude, you’re not performing for applause—you’re partnering for progress. Leaders notice the difference. And they promote the difference.

So go ahead. Lead up. Just don’t suck up. The best leaders are waiting for people like you to rise. Not by flattery, but by genuine connection and contribution.

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