Change Lives, Not Just Behavior: The Power of Feedback

Think of a leader who made a notable impact on your life.

Were they tough on you?

I’m betting that you’re nodding your head yes. Great leaders have the ability to call out the potential in the people they lead and provide clear direction when they get off track. The leader in your mind could be anything from a parent or mentor to a teacher or coach.

Think of the most successful coaches in recent history. Andy Reid is known not only for his elite play-calling but also for challenging his players and holding them accountable to his standards. John Calipari, who holds a winning percentage of .765 across four different NCAA basketball teams, has called accountability one of the most crucial aspects of coaching. He insists upon coaching everyone as though they are a starter and holding them to the same level of responsibility and accountability.

The results of coaches like these speak for themselves. Feedback and accountability aren’t just nice; they are the framework for personal and professional success. So if it works well for athletes, why do so many leaders fear feedback and accountability in business?

Facing Your Feedback Fears

Feedback almost always means having a challenging conversation with your employee about what they are doing wrong. Many of us have witnessed the discouragement that can follow a poorly handled feedback conversation. People are in tears, worried about their job security, angry that they were called out, or even confused about why they were targeted for this feedback. As a leader, you’ve probably had people clench their fists in frustration, get argumentative, or even shut down and stonewall you for the rest of the conversation.

The emotional toll that feedback conversations can have on a leader, even if none of those reactions happen, can be enough to cause leaders to choose to avoid feedback altogether.

Balancing Deposits and Withdrawals

Great leaders and coaches, like Reid and Calipari, can give tough feedback without fear because they earned the right.

They didn’t just call a player into their office and yell at them. They took steps to clarify their expectations and invest in the player personally. They built deep personal connections and made consistent deposits into their players’ lives.

The step many leaders skip when giving feedback actually starts long before corrective feedback becomes necessary.

Think of every person like a bank. When you take time to get to know an employee or give them praise, you’re making a deposit. When you have to give corrective feedback or hold them accountable, you make a withdrawal.

Making a withdrawal from your bank account isn’t a bad thing. You frequently withdraw from your account to pay bills and take care of your needs. Withdrawals only become problematic when they exceed your deposits, leaving your account in the red.

5 Ways to Make Meaningful Deposits

1. HAVE YOUR EMPLOYEE COLLABORATE WITH YOU ON SETTING EXPECTATIONS.

You can’t hold people to a standard unless you have clearly explained the standard. While some expectations are requirements of the job, involving your employee in setting expectations related to their specific projects or performance can help improve buy-in.

2. GET TO KNOW YOUR EMPLOYEE’S PERSONAL GOALS.

You’ve probably heard people complain that businesses only exist to make money for themselves or lament that their boss is only interested in securing their next promotion. Real leadership requires you to look beyond business goals and take a genuine interest in the people you are leading. In my book, I talk about Chad, a salesperson who told me one of his goals was to take his daughters to Disney World. At first, I didn’t feel a personal connection to his goal. I don’t enjoy Disney World, and it felt a little silly compared to some of the other goals my employees had created.

I decided to call Chad and get the whole story. He shared with me that his wife recently left him, leaving him to care for his two daughters alone. Every night, his girls prayed for the same two things. They prayed that their mom would come home and that they would go to Disney World. Chad knew he couldn’t make their mom come back, but he could get them to Disney if he worked hard enough.

Whenever Chad faced a professional challenge, I made sure I connected my feedback with how it would help him reach his goal. Chad was always open and receptive to my feedback, and two years later, he achieved his goal of saving enough money to take his girls to Disney. Chad’s story is especially impactful, but it’s not uncommon! Every employee on your team has a personal goal they are passionately pursuing. By understanding these goals, you can better understand the connection between their performance at work and the quality of their life outside of work, and help make feedback feel like support, not just criticism.

3. SCHEDULE AND PRIORITIZE REGULAR TIME TO MEET WITH YOUR EMPLOYEES.

Many leaders intend to meet with their employees regularly, but regular one-on-ones are often the first thing leaders move off their calendars when life gets busy. If you want to build trust, consistency matters.

4. ASK QUESTIONS.

Many leaders use their one-on-ones to tackle problems and give feedback. While these are two elements of a productive one-on-one, you cannot skip the opportunity to simply listen to your employee. Asking questions about their family goals, what they like about their job, how their typical day looks, and how you can support them better will lead to conversations that help you get to know them as a person, not just an employee. When people feel valued, they are more receptive to feedback.

5. GO ABOVE AND BEYOND.

You have to work against the popular perspective that leaders are not looking out for the best interests of their employees. One way is to go beyond just knowing about your employees’ personal and professional goals and take action to help them reach them! I remember some of the most impactful leaders in my career would buy me books to help me learn a new skill, and one even made sure I was reimbursed for a sales training I paid for out of pocket.

Insecure leaders will try to hoard power and keep their employees from improving, but trustworthy leaders go above and beyond. The level of trust this action will inspire will reinforce your genuine interest in your employee. Then, when you give feedback, it will not be seen as an attack, but rather a way to help them stay on track toward their goals.

Consistent Feedback is a Gift

The more you can normalize feedback, the easier it will be for your employees to receive. Leaders who rarely give feedback can inspire distrust when they give positive or negative feedback. Suddenly getting positive feedback might prompt employees to wonder if they have been doing well all along or are just now getting things right. Likewise, suddenly receiving negative feedback can feel unfair and make employees feel like their successes have been overlooked.

However, when feedback is a frequent, normal part of your role as a manager, you will find that people start to see feedback as a gift, not a threat. Instead of destroying trust, it reinforces it. As a leader, your job isn’t just to guide—it’s to grow your people. By making consistent deposits and earning the right to correct people and hold them accountable, you will see people achieve not only their work goals but also their personal and professional goals. And that is what leadership is truly all about.

What if feedback and conversations in your workplace inspired growth, built trust, and created thriving teams?

In Firm Feedback in a Fragile World, Jeff Hancher redefines how we approach feedback in the workplace. Combining relatable stories, research, and practical tools, Hancher offers a roadmap to turn feedback from a source of tension into a powerful leadership tool. With reflection questions and hands-on activities, this book empowers readers to create a workplace culture where giving and receiving feedback is no longer dreaded but embraced as a pathway to growth. Transform your leadership legacy by making feedback your gift to others. Pre-order your copy here!

About the author

Jeff Hancher is an executive coach, leadership expert, and author with over 20 years of experience helping leaders and organizations elevate their impact. Known for blending emotional intelligence with strategic insight, Jeff empowers leaders to create thriving, resilient cultures while leaving a lasting legacy.