Acknowledge Your Humanness

Mark Cole:
Hey, welcome back to the Maxwell Leadership Podcast. And by the way, if you’re listening live, let me be the first to say Merry Christmas. It’s Merry Christmas Eve. Tracy. I’m so honored to be here with you on Merry Christmas Eve.

Traci Morrow:
Merry Christmas, Mark.

Mark Cole:
Yeah. Isn’t it great to kind of be able to kind of celebrate this, this time of the year with friends and family and people of faith and the significance of it? Merry Christmas to you and your family.

Traci Morrow:
Yes. I am so excited. I love it and, you know, it is really fun and I know that you can appreciate this. It was really fun to be, you know, having young children for Christmas, but even more so with grandchildren and seeing it in that next generation and being older and seeing the grandkids experience Christmas, it is just so deeply meaningful.

Mark Cole:
It’s fun. I cannot wait again for tomorrow morning and all that is getting ready to happen around the Cole household. It is going to be crazy. And then two hours later, they’re gonna be bored. That’s just the way it works.

Traci Morrow:
I know, I know. Isn’t that so insane? Like, the lead up to it is all the shopping and the wrapping and the prep and then literally it is within an hour, it is all a dis and it’s over.

Mark Cole:
Hey. Here at Maxwell Leadership Podcast, we really are committed to adding value to you and then giving you something to go and give away. To multiply value to others is how we say it. We’re in the middle for the last three weeks, if you haven’t noticed. We’re in the middle of really dissecting high road leadership. This is a book, this is an audio book. This is a resource that John created about a year ago, a little over a year ago now, on how to live and lead at a different level, at a level that many don’t understand. And so today we’re going to talk about how to acknowledge your humanness as an essential ingredient to high road living.

Mark Cole:
And I’m super excited about it. You’re going to hear John really slow down and take time telling us how to really acknowledge our humanness. Now, let me say this. You may not hear it in the podcast today, but John Maxwell absolutely knows how to laugh at himself. In fact, he’s going to talk a little bit about that today. He laughs at himself quicker and more heartily than anybody else laughs at John, and I love that about him. But truly, for us to lead effectively, you need to take this lesson today and you need to acknowledge your humanness so that you too can lead at an effective way that’s our plan, that’s our goal, that’s what we’re gonna talk about. We’re gonna let John share with you a little bit.

Mark Cole:
Then Traci and I’ll be back and give some real time, real life, real leadership application to it. So grab a pen, grab a paper. You’re gonna be able to take this and really apply it. Hey, if you would like to view this podcast on YouTube or if you would like to download the bonus resource, you can go to MaxwellPodcast.com/Acknowledge and you’ll be able to get that as well as other tools that we’ll add in the show today. Here we go. Are you ready? Grab a pen, grab a piece of paper. Here is John Maxwell on acknowledging your humanness. An essential ingredient to high road living.

John Maxwell:
Acknowledge your humanness. As I entered my mid-30s, I was experiencing extraordinary success. Margaret and I had been married for 15 years. Our relationship was strong. We had two beautiful children. After lots of work, my communication skills had gone to a new level. I was in demand as a speaker. I was starting to be recognized as an authority on leadership and had begun to develop a national profile.

John Maxwell:
And the three churches I’d led during my career had grown dramatically. My confidence was high and I believed even greater days were ahead of me. At that time, I met regularly with a mentor. At lunch one day, my mentor looked at me and said, john, everyone is constantly praising you these days. A lot of people are telling you how amazing you are, but I need to tell you something. You’re not amazing. Your gift is amazing, but you are not. You’re one step from stupid.

John Maxwell:
He went on to explain to me that the gifts we have are always greater than the person. Whatever talents or gifts we possess were given to us. We didn’t earn them. We don’t deserve them. We can take no credit for them. If our gifts are great, they don’t make us better than anyone else. Nor does our possession of them excuse poor behavior. The best we can do is use whatever we have been given to benefit others.

John Maxwell:
For the first time, I understood that when people experience something that comes from my giftedness, they could mistakenly attribute it to me. I realized I needed to separate my self worth from my abilities. If I didn’t, I could lose perspective and I might begin to believe that I’m as good as my talent, which I am not. It’s dangerous to think more of yourself than you should. Because my mentor challenged me and helped me acknowledge my humanness, I shifted my thinking and put more emphasis on the good choices I made than the gifts that I had been given. And that has helped me a lot. Because acknowledging our humanness is essential to high road living. The Eagle and the Hippopotamus There’s a quote often attributed to Carl Sandberg that is an insightful description of our condition as human beings.

John Maxwell:
There is an eagle in me that wants to soar. And there is a hippopotamus in me that wants to wallow in the mud. I find this to be true. The eagle in me makes me want to rise up and do great things. Unfortunately, it also makes me want to look down on others. I want to judge them by their actions and results, while I want to give myself the benefit of the doubt based on my intentions and feelings. Many years ago, I came across a piece that shows how we tend to think about ourselves and others. When the other person takes a long time, he is slow.

John Maxwell:
When I take a long time, I’m thorough. When the other person doesn’t do it, he’s lazy. And when I don’t do it, I’m busy. When the other person doesn’t follow the rules, he’s rude. When I don’t follow the rules, I’m original. When the other person gets ahead, he gets the lucky breaks. When I manage to get ahead, I’m smart and I’m hardworking. That’s why it’s wise to also remember the hippopotamus that’s within us.

John Maxwell:
It reminds me that all of us like to wallow. Everyone has experienced days that we hope nobody else ever finds out about. I’ve had them. Haven’t you? We’re all flawed human beings. We’re all one step from stupid. If I acknowledge the hippo in me, then whenever I see someone else in the mud, I am liable to think I can relate because I’ve been there. When I see others shortcomings, I can see my own shortcomings. I think of my failures as being similar to their failures.

John Maxwell:
I recognize my poor attitude is no better or worse than their poor attitude. We’re all in this together. Knowing that makes me less likely to judge them and more likely to give them grace and lend them a hand. In other words, I will be more likely to take the high road. To be a high road person, I must learn to give grace to myself and others. Instead of being critical or unkind. There is a relationship of how I treat myself and how I treat others. For example, if I judge myself harshly and judge others harshly, I probably will become a cynic.

John Maxwell:
If I judge myself harshly but give grace to others I have possibilities of being a doormat. If I give grace to myself, yet I judge others harshly, I will become a narcissist. But if I give grace to myself and give grace to others, it allows me to become a high road person. Acknowledging my humanness leads me to the conclusion that that I am no better than others. I am a flawed human just like they are. At the same time, I am also no worse than others because they are just as flawed as I am. Therefore, I should not think too much of myself or too little of myself. Recognizing our humanity allows us to create common ground with others.

John Maxwell:
If I remember that and treat people accordingly, I have the potential to be a high road leader. What is my best advice to people for acknowledging their humanness without becoming discouraged or discounting their ability to lead others effectively? I recommend that you do five things. 1. See yourself the first and most important step in acknowledging your humanness is developing self awareness. How can you acknowledge your humanness unless you know who you are? What does it mean to be self aware and to be able to see yourself clearly? It begins with understanding our strengths, weaknesses, feelings, thoughts and values. This can be difficult, but when we can, it opens new possibilities for us. As this story illustrates, a wise woman traveling in the mountains found a precious stone in a stream. The next day she met another traveler who said he was hungry, and the wise woman opened her bag to share her food.

John Maxwell:
The hungry traveler saw the precious stone and asked the woman to give it to him. She did so without hesitation. The traveler left, rejoicing in his good fortune. He knew that the stone was worth enough to give him security for a lifetime. But a few days later, he came back to return the stone to the wise woman. I have been thinking, he said. I know how valuable this stone is, but I give it back in the hope that you will give me something even more precious. Give me what you have within you that enabled you to give me the stone.

John Maxwell:
In that moment, the traveler saw himself and wanted a change. Seeing yourself clearly also requires the ability to recognize how you affect the people around you. 2. Care for yourself what should you do when you receive all this negative information about yourself? Too many people beat themselves up. Instead, care for yourself by practicing self compassion. The most important voice in your life is is your own. Every day you say things to yourself. How would you describe that inner voice? Is it kind, understanding and empathetic? Or is it hard, critical and demanding? If you don’t show yourself kindness, how will you extend it to anyone else? I do this by being my own best friend.

John Maxwell:
I love and care for myself. And when I’m the hippo in the mud, I don’t scold myself. I’m human, so I don’t expect to always be an eagle. So I encourage myself and I invite myself to get out of the mud because the hippo isn’t really who I am. 3. Forgive yourself seeing yourself clearly makes you aware of all the places you fall short in life, your weaknesses, failures and struggles. Measuring those characteristics against an unrealistic standard can be profoundly discouraging. The solution to this tendency is forgiveness.

John Maxwell:
You must let go of perfectionism and forgive yourself for not being perfect. Everyone has flaws and that’s not only okay, it’s normal. Pretending you don’t have flaws only makes you unaware or inauthentic. Ignoring your shortcomings or lying to yourself about them doesn’t help you either. Acknowledging them and forgiving yourself for them improves your outlook toward yourself, reduces your internal stress, boosts your empathy toward others, and makes you better at improving yourself because you view your shortcomings more objectively and realistically. 4. Laugh at yourself. When you can forgive yourself for not being perfect, it becomes easy to get over yourself and begin to laugh at yourself.

John Maxwell:
Few things do more to help a person live a healthier life, build connections with others and improve their leadership. According to marketing and business development executive Ann Carini, research suggests that a tangible way to spot a self aware leader is is by looking for a self deprecating sense of humor. People who commit to their failures or shortcomings with a smile are more approachable. Some may think that admitting to failures or faults reveals vulnerability, but really, the best leaders must constantly judge their own capabilities as well as those of others. They must understand when they need help and proactively surround themselves with people that excel where they fall short. Being so comfortable and confident that you can laugh at yourself builds trust within a team. So if you want to live well and lead others on a high road.

John Maxwell:
Start laughing. 5. Believe in yourself. Once you see yourself, care for yourself, forgive yourself and laugh at yourself. You’re ready to reap the greatest internal benefit of acknowledging your humanness.

John Maxwell:
Cultivating confident humility. Confident humility is being secure enough in your expertise and strengths to admit your ignorance and weaknesses. Confidence without humility breeds blind arrogance, and humility without confidence yields debilitating doubt. Confident humility allows you to believe in yourself while questioning your strategies. If you’re able to acknowledge your humanness and develop confident humility, you will place yourself in a position to be a high road leader who treats people well and accomplishes much. High road leaders are aware of their humanness. When you’re aware of your humanness and you acknowledge you don’t know all the answers, you listen to yourself and others. You better understand yourself and others.

John Maxwell:
You develop empathy for yourself and others and care for them. And you are better able to lead yourself and others on the high road.

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Mark Cole:
Hey, welcome back everybody. Let me tell you that there is a quote by our friend Brene Brown, just a phenomenal quote that goes right along with what John is sharing today. And this is what Brene says. She says Perfectionism is a 20 ton shield. We lug around thinking it will protect us when in fact it’s the very thing that’s really preventing us from taking flight. And I’m just going to tell you, I’ve seen way too many people take themselves way too serious only to realize that they’re holding themselves back. So Traci, I’m so excited to take what John shared with us today and kind of put it into some application.

Traci Morrow:
I am too. I love that quote. What a great way to kick off the podcast today. Today is really just a lesson on being comfortable in your own skin and when you can do. And wow, our leadership just really opens wide up. And who better to follow their example than John Maxwell. He is so good at being comfortable in his own skin. He is silly.

Traci Morrow:
He is self. His humor is self deprecating. He has mastered that. He is just so good at not taking himself seriously. I watch him sometimes, don’t you Mark? Sometimes. And just marvel at how, how silly and fun he is and how he makes leading so seemingly easy effortless and you know, it’s. Yeah, yeah.

Mark Cole:
And I just think the other day we were laughing about something and I was laughing with him. I mean he was, he was overboard on something. I said, man, you have the Maxwell Hammer out. I mean you are going at it. And we just started laughing and laughing and I said. And so I stopped him. And it’s so apropos for this lesson for me to, to use this story, but I said, how did you start laughing at yourself? He said, man, he couldn’t remember the year he said, but I can remember getting so uptight because he tells me all the time I’m too uptight. In full disclosure here, he says, I can remember being so uptight and so concerned with what everybody else thought.

Mark Cole:
And then one day it was like a switch flipped, Mark. And I went, why do I care so much about what other people think? I need to care what I think. Which goes back. I mean it’s dangerous, dangerous to think more of yourself than you should. And oftentimes that’s a limiting factor, as Brene Brown says to our effectiveness is we wear our self identity as a weight rather than as a wing to lift ourselves.

Traci Morrow:
So true. And I feel like in this, even more so in this social media culture world that we live in, if we could just really infuse this into the younger generation, it would help them and their mental health so, so much. So let’s dive in.

Traci Morrow:
I love this quote. I don’t know who came up with it, it was certainly not me. But I use it often. And I like to say that pride is insecurity worn inside out.

Mark Cole:
I love that.

Traci Morrow:
Let that just settle with you for just a second. Pride is insecurity worn inside out. And so why do you think, Mark, that it is so free? It is such a freeing thing when you can take on what John is, is teaching us in this lesson today. And yet why is it so hard for leaders to lay down their pride and instead pick up and or take up an attitude of humility and really take themselves way, way less seriously?

Mark Cole:
Well, I can speak of myself, I can obviously pontificate and give you a lot of thoughts of all the leaders I’ve met through the years of what I think some of the biggest drawbacks in this area are and then why it’s so hard sometimes to get over it. But for me, my journey, I always attribute it back to how performance based I lived for years and years and years. What people thought of me mattered more than what I really was. What people thought of me mattered more than what God knew about me in a faith context. I was so. I was so focused on people perception that I created a person that wasn’t even me and yet felt fulfilled if I could fake people out in thinking that it was me. Some people call that posing, some people call that performing. John calls it pretending.

Mark Cole:
But it was really, I don’t know, several years ago for me. It’s not even been like decades for me that I finally decided, man, if I’m going to be a player rather than a pretender, I have got to get authenticity integrated into my leadership. I’ve got to let the struggles be real. I’ve got to let the challenges be current. I’ve got to allow the ups and downs, the emotional and the triumphant times of leadership. I’ve got to allow those to be transparent so that I can stay relatable first and foremost to myself and then to others. Most people I get compliments a lot on or I get people to recognize a lot the vulnerability, the authenticity that I have with leadership. They go, man, how do you do that? And I go, no, no, no.

Mark Cole:
It was a choice. It was a choice that I was going to be authentic so that I wouldn’t get drawn back in to the tendency and the temptation to try to fake people out with what really wasn’t true about myself and my leadership.

Traci Morrow:
I can already tell that I love the tone of this podcast already because it is so human and how amazing it would be the fact that you’re getting recognized. I mean, you started out saying it’s a compliment, but it’s really recognition that people are recognizing. They’re complimenting it because they are seeing like, wow, something’s different here. Hello, It’s. They’re recognizing you as just being yourself. And in a world where people feel like they have to pretend they’re somebody else in order to be liked, in order to get likes in order to appear as something else. How refreshing and freeing. It stands apart as different.

Traci Morrow:
It’s really actually sad that it stands apart as different when a leader, a high, A high road leader, stands out as just being a regular guy. Yeah, I mean, it’s actually wonderful.

Mark Cole:
I agree with you. And this is gonna sound so selfish, but it is absolutely true. But man, it’s liberating. It is so easier to live being me than it is trying to be what you want me to be. It is liberating. And if I could unlock that tendency to. That tendency to appear better than what they are, you’ve seen in the mirrors on the side of our car, Objects, warning objects in mirrors seem closer than they really are or further away, rather further away than they really are. I just want to put a warning on most leaders that say warning leader is not as good as they appear.

Mark Cole:
I want to put a disclaimer on social media that says this is not real life. This is the highlight realm. Because we too often try to measure up to something that’s not even.

Mark Cole:
Remotely true or close to the person we want to be.

Traci Morrow:
Uh huh, yes. And I can think of several people, you know, doing things with John, having events or doing traveling and all that kind of stuff. We’ve had the proximity to John, which means we’ve had proximity to people who are in the world of speaking and writing and ruling countries and, you know, all of that. And so what’s interesting is I would love to summarize someday, I’ve thought before.

Traci Morrow:
Of how to do this in an honoring way, that it isn’t dishonoring to people, but there is really a behind the curtain.

Traci Morrow:
Story of every event that we’ve been at or been to or hosted, even of people who come in. And there’s really a difference of people who have grasped this lesson and live it and who are still trying to posture as who other people think that they should be. And there are people who show up and they are posturing as somebody who they think people should be and that there are people who show up and they’re just themselves and it’s like, wow, there really is a difference and who do we want to be? So I think the interesting thing about this lesson and what John’s teaching is whether we choose to show up as a prideful version of ourselves or a posturing version of ourselves or the authentic human real life take me as I am in process, you know, not that we just let it all hang out and show all of our warts and, and just, you know, we, we do want to be our best version of ourselves, but still ourselves. But whether or not we show up as a fake version of ourselves or as the best version of ourselves as of today, it doesn’t make it any less true of who we actually are. That’s what’s so funny about it, is people can see that. And I think how blessed John was to have that mentor in his life that he spoke about. Give him the cold hard truth that hey John, it’s your gifts. You aren’t all that great.

Traci Morrow:
Whatever it was that, however it was that he said that. And so Mark, how, how does a, a high level leader who’s listening to the podcast today who’s maybe having their mind blown and their maybe ego shattered a little glass. Ego shattered a little bit today. How does a high level leader who has a desire to become a high road leader so high level leader but maybe has a little ego in there, that what they want? Is he being shattered with this lesson today or wants to shatter it with a hammer. How do they get someone in their life like John? Because people who are high level sometimes have yes men and women around them. But if they want to have someone who will say to them, hey, you’re not all that great. Your gifts are great, but remember you’re human. How do they find someone to bring them around them if they don’t have that person up close in their life right now?

Mark Cole:
Well, I think it starts with an internal decision. You got to stop the madness. You got to stop the rat race. You got to stop chasing cheese. You got to just learn to be satisfied. I mean, you’ve got to learn to be comfortable with yourself. I remember the story John. Well, I was there when John.

Mark Cole:
John was teaching. You got to be authentic. You need to admit your mistakes. You need to go home or you need to tell your team what you’re struggling with. And I’ll never forget this military looking guy. I think he’d been in the military. He came and says, john, I disagree with you completely. You don’t need to go admit your mistakes.

Mark Cole:
You don’t need to go show your weaknesses. In fact, you need to show shake them and tell them, never let them see you blink. Never let them see you get nervous. You got to stand strong. And John’s just sitting there, sitting there, sitting there. He says, sir, you’re making one massive, massive assumption. You’re assuming they don’t already know your weaknesses because they do. Leader.

Mark Cole:
Hey, you out there, that is struggling with a little bit of a glass, almost shattered self confidence, ego that’s just driving everybody crazy. Please go admit your challenges. Please go admit your weaknesses so everybody will know you know too. Because we already know. We already are aware. We’re waiting on you to catch up with what the rest of us already know. You know.

Mark Cole:
I thought about this when John was teaching today. We always say, you cannot give what you do not have. And we say this with, we say this about growth and what you put in yourself. And I use that quote all the time. You cannot give what you do not have. You need to develop yourself. You need to grow yourself. And I thought, boy, that quote is very relevant to today’s lesson too.

Mark Cole:
You cannot give what you do not have. If you’re faking something, you can’t give authenticity because you’re faking it. You can’t give excellence if you’re not excellent in an area. All you can give is your struggle and your commitment to get better. So don’t take yourself seriously. Acknowledge your humanness. Because I’ll tell you this, what I have learned is people rally around me when I acknowledge my weaknesses because they too want me to get better. When I fake it and act like everything’s okay, nobody rallies to help me because they don’t think I want help.

Mark Cole:
And if you’re faking it, you are letting out or communicating to people that you don’t want help.

Traci Morrow:
Yeah, yeah. And people are kind. People love to be a part of someone getting better because they get better in the process as well. Okay, so John gets into this list of, and I love the list that he gives of how we tend to give ourselves a path based on judging a free pass, judging our mo. Our motives or maybe.

Traci Morrow:
You know, our actions based our, on our intentions. And we judge other people based solely on their actions. And I just thought, I’m sure that everybody could totally relate to that. And, and well, maybe some people can’t because we’re. Some people are harder on themselves than they are on others. So what would you say Mark, is that you struggle more with are you harder on yourself or are you easier on yourself and you give yourself more of like oh well, I’m just more being more creative. I’m not being rude, I’m. I’m being more.

Traci Morrow:
What, what are you easier on yourself or harder on yourself?

Mark Cole:
Much harder on. In fact I put it in my notes. I didn’t know you were going to ask this. Infinitely harder on myself. My biggest struggle, the thing that John tells me often that he wishes he could take from me is how hard I am on myself.

Mark Cole:
I am brutal. I will say things in my self talk to myself that I would never say to anyone else, even those worthy of the cutting thoughts or cutting remarks that I have. I just have this huge propensity to want more from myself, to expect more from myself, to believe that there is more in myself. And that coupled with how works based. I spent most of my life in trying to get people’s approval. You couple that works based methodology or mindset with somebody that wants the best for themselves. And it is a recipe for very, very self critiquing. In fact, John also said in today’s lesson, Traci, he said I am my own best friend.

Mark Cole:
And I went. I have heard him say that a hundred times. I have been envious of him because he really is his own best friend. And how critical I am of myself and how little I appreciate the strengths that I’ve been given does make that very, very, very, very hard on me in the areas of self improvement because I’m really, really hard on myself.

Traci Morrow:
So when you say you’re hard on yourself and you expect a lot of yourself, would you say, you actually say in your private moments inside your head, do you say mean things to yourself?

Mark Cole:
I do. Absolutely. I wear myself out.

Traci Morrow:
Oh, I do. It makes me think. It makes me. That’s sad to me. I’m surprised about that. But I think. I think it does give both sides of the coin for our listeners because we have John, who’s his best, who’s.

Mark Cole:
His own best, and I’m my own best critic.

Traci Morrow:
Yeah. Yeah. That is surprising to me. I know you said you expect a lot of yourself in the past, in past episodes, but I don’t think I’ve ever heard. This is the first time I’m hearing that you’re actually unkind to yourself. And still.

Mark Cole:
And John, who’s seen me on planes all over the world, I mean, and in the most challenging of times, will tell you, I mean, if you ask him right now, what’s the one thing you wish you could change in Mark or for Mark, it would be how hard he is on himself. That would be.

Traci Morrow:
Aren’t words of affirmation your love language?

Mark Cole:
They are. And you’d think I’d give myself more of it.

Traci Morrow:
But do you receive them from other people? Like, are you able to receive them?

Mark Cole:
It’s such an interesting thing to ask that. I don’t know if I’ve ever been asked that. I am a words of affirmation. God number one, first and foremost. Are there any other four love languages? It is all words of affection. Affirmation. However, I discredit them if I cannot make them make sense in my mind. And so I want words of affirmation.

Mark Cole:
But if they’re in an area that I feel particularly struggle or particularly challenging to me, then I will pass them off as someone just trying to be nice.

Traci Morrow:
Even John. Like, if John gives you feelings that.

Mark Cole:
You don’t agree more so John. Because John puts a 10 on everybody’s ass.

Traci Morrow:
Interesting.

Mark Cole:
Isn’t that crazy? That’s so funny. I’ve never got into that. Let me pull up the couch and see if you can counsel me a little bit.

Traci Morrow:
No.

Traci Morrow:
But, you know, it makes me Think of my daughter Bailey, who will say to me sometimes, like I’ll jokingly say, because I think I tend to be go easier on myself because I judge myself based on my intentions. Like I know my intentions are good. So even if I do, if I’m acting like a hippo instead of like an eagle, I will say like but I know and I’m super busy and I know I let that plate drop because I meant to, but I was doing this other thing. And so I sometimes the older I’ve gotten, I’ve gotten much better at it. But I was younger, I was in my 20s, I was way more flaky with myself. But my daughter will say to me, be nice to my friend Mom. So if I say like I’m oh Tracy Morrow, you doofus, she’ll say, hey, be nice to my friend Mom. And I love that she’ll say that out loud because she’s saying like she’s.

Traci Morrow:
And so, hey, be nice to my friend Mark.

Mark Cole:
That’s right. I will. I’ll be nice.

Traci Morrow:
But I think of There was a long snapper for the the Philadelphia Eagles. He ended up making it like up to second place for a America’s Got Talent. His name was John Doran Boss as being a magician, he’s got a great story. If anybody out there ever watched him on America’s Got Talent or liked him for the Philadelphia Eagles, he. He’s a great guy. But he ha. He used to tell a story. Many people may know it, but he used to say don’t listen to yourself, talk to yourself.

Traci Morrow:
And that voice that plays in our mind that just really stuck with me. I’d never heard anybody say it like that. The voices that just play in our heads, whether good or letting us off the hook like a hippo or being too hard on ourselves, the critical or the critique. We need to talk to ourselves to reframe that way of thinking. And so I don’t know if you even have an answer for this question, but how does somebody who’s hard on themselves reframe? Because John said we need to learn to practice self compassion. So how do you Mark Cole how with John as your mentor, how have you learned to. Or are you learning to be more self compassionate to yourself?

Mark Cole:
It’s a little bit of what you were just talking about. I work hard to talk to myself rather than listen to myself. And. And it’s pretty remarkable.

Mark Cole:
Period. Based on my education, based on my experience, based on the exposure that I had. I didn’t have exposure to the business world. What I’ve been able to accomplish in my leadership in a business setting. And so I have to really talk about that. I mentioned, I think I was mentioned last week in a podcast with you that I had a particularly tough day. And it was just talking. It was just listening to all these voices recently.

Mark Cole:
And I had to. The next morning. And I mentioned this again last week in the podcast. The next morning I had to go, hey, whoa, whoa, wait, enough of that. Let’s replace that now with gratitude. Can you believe you get. Can you believe you have. Can you believe you’ve done? And so it really is starting to change the conversation from listening to talking and reminding myself of the gift and the gratitude of what I get to do, of the skill sets that I do bring to the table.

Mark Cole:
I have to do that more often probably than most because I have a natural tendency to find the challenges or the shortcomings of myself. Again, this is an area that John has talked to me a lot, but because he never struggled with that, he has been unable at this point to give me a formula that helps in mentoring. So I’ve gotten it from other places. I’ve gotten it from comments like you just said, talk more to myself in those moments rather than listen to myself. Yeah.

Traci Morrow:
And I think that is a huge value that you bring. That is a totally different perspective to our audience than John brings because there are a great many people like you who can’t relate at all to being your own best friend. And so I think as you keep hanging in there and doing the hard work for yourself, but also for our audience members who are. Are stuck there, because I think learning to, learning to become your best friend and give yourself that self compassion is so important. Obviously it’s one of his five.

Mark Cole:
Yeah.

Traci Morrow:
So, okay, so let’s, let’s. I mean, there’s so many. Before I get to our last question, I think it’s worth just, just hitting on that. John wrote a song called Get Over Myself and I think those of you who don’t know it, go to itunes or wherever you get your music and download that song and look at the lyrics because I think it’s very important on Laugh at Yourself, John kind of gives a recipe for how you can get over yourself.

Mark Cole:
Yeah, it’s a great song.

Traci Morrow:
Yeah. Get Over Myself. I listen to it all the time. But it helps if you, you know, to take yourself, if you take yourself too seriously. It’s a great way of learning how to laugh at yourself. So that kind of is your little homework assignment. But Mark, I think this is a great question to close on. So this final step of believing in yourself, I think is natural if you’ve surround, surrounded yourself and to learn how to believe in yourself with safe and loving people who are for you and helping you take all of these steps.

Traci Morrow:
But if they’re foreign to you belief, I think if you could just talk a little bit about what is the benefit of doing the hard work of like that you just said that you’re, you’re doing, of learning to talk more nicely to yourself, but detangling from all of the unhealthy, seeing yourself differently, caring for yourself, forgiving yourself, etc. All of these unhealthy thinking to free a leader up, to take steps so that they can be humble and how that can empower them to try something new without being connected to whether or not it’s success or whether or not it’s failure, but really to detangle them and help them to be unhindered, to actually lead. So can you talk a little bit about what is the benefit of doing this hard work so that.

Traci Morrow:
You can actually step into your leadership?

Mark Cole:
Well, I think, you know, Traci, I think that all of us has greatness in us. There’s something in every one of us. I believe this about every listener, every viewer. There’s something in you that is destined to greatness. There’s something unique to you. There’s a place to where you can be a 1 percenter. There is potential within you that if and when cultivated, will make you the best of the best. I believe that.

Mark Cole:
I think that’s the uniqueness of humanity. Many times we spend our life looking for it, many times we find it. And the journey to develop and hone the greatness is too great. And so we decide not to we take ourselves out of the game. I think it’s very unique though, when you find something that you really want to be good at. I’m a words of affirmation guy. We’ve talked a little bit about that in this episode. I can remember a time to where John had given me responsibility to communicate a certain set of responsibilities in our organization and throughout our organization and to be honest with you, the world at large.

Mark Cole:
There were pieces that I needed to communicate and I can remember when I first communicated. Imagine standing on a stage where John Maxwell has just recently been there or is getting ready to be there. And he’s one of the world’s most sought after communicators and is the foremost thought leader and communicator on leadership. And now I’m going to communicate something. That’s leadership and that’s communication in front of audiences is not my thing. And I can remember as I was developing myself to be believable, I had people around me that I had challenged. Always speak clear to me, always speak open to me. Always speak very, very transparent and very direct with me.

Mark Cole:
And I can remember calling them together one time after speaking, and they just wore me out. How did I do? They wore me out. And I looked at them and I said, guys, for the next foreseeable future, I need you to give me the three to four positive things that I did before you give me the things to work on. Because it was beating me up. I was already beating myself up, but it was beating me up. And I had no sense of footing to be able to take the critique because I couldn’t see anything that I was doing effectively. Then after about six months, I got it, I felt it, I was ready to go to the next level. And I said, now quit.

Mark Cole:
Quit giving me all the positive. Just give me straight to the point the things that I need to work on. I don’t need to hear the positive. I’ve got myself settled. Here’s the point I’m illustrating with this whole story. To answer your question.

Mark Cole:
Know yourself. Believe in yourself. Believe in what you’re good at. Know what you’re not good at. Know what you can develop and hone and know the things that you’re not ready to hone. You just need a little, a little bit of encouragement and stability. Be very honest and open with yourself. Acknowledge your humanness.

Mark Cole:
I’ll never be the communicator John is, but I can get dang good at communicating what he was asking me to communicate. And when I realized and know myself, and don’t try to make myself something else by putting on John’s armor or David’s armor or Saul’s armor or anybody’s armor. Don’t make somebody else’s story, your story. Don’t make the way they got to success, your success. Acknowledge your humanness. And once you start from that awareness, now you can put belief in that you will get better and you’ll find your place of greatness. And if I could just challenge you this, I think, maybe our last episode of the year, maybe our second to the last. Here’s what I want to challenge you.

Mark Cole:
Know yourself, know your humanness. Don’t run from it. Acknowledge it, live it, improve it, and find the potential in you. Because when you find that potential, you will absolutely make the world around you because the world don’t need another imitation. The world needs you, and the world needs you fully. You go be that, do that, acknowledge that, improve that. Because recognizing our humility allows us to create common ground with others. You want to be effective? Be yourself.

Mark Cole:
You want to help others become better, Be better yourself. If you don’t show yourself some kindness, how will you extend it to anyone else? And so today I just kind of wrap with that. In fact, we got a question from Solomon in our listener comment and question today that I want to reference here. He says, hey, thanks team for this awesome episode. By the way, who’s listening to the episode A Leader Sees more. And before we’ll put that in the show notes, he said, why do some organizations or CEOs take a long time to spot good successors in their place and do it hurriedly at the last minute when they had a lifetime before that? And Solomon, let me say this. I believe that what you’re dealing with there a lot of times is a leader that’s not ready to lead. I’m struck right now, as you’re saying this, by a quote from Dan Cathy, John Maxwell and I were talking with the former CEO and the current chairman of Chick Fil A and he said succession is not about when the leader is ready to leave.

Mark Cole:
It’s about when the next generation is ready to lead. And I think that’s the best way to succession. When is the next leader ready to lead, not when is the current leader ready to leave. And Solomon, I hope that helps you. For all of you that listen in again, a very Merry Christmas to you. A Happy New Year to you. Let’s start out 2026. Ready to learn, ready to grow, ready to bring powerful, positive change.

Mark Cole:
Because the world needs better leaders and everyone deserves to be led. Well.

Maxwell Leadership Certified Team:
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