The Law of Connection (Part 2)

Mark Cole:       Hey leaders, welcome to the Maxwell Leadership Podcast, the podcast that adds value to leaders who multiply value to others. Well everyone, today is the day. The book I’m holding it for you podcast listeners, John’s best-selling book of all times, 3.5 million copies sold to date. I’m talking about The 21 Irrefutable Laws of Leadership releases its 25th year anniversary. This addition is absolutely jam packed with relevant current illustrations of how the laws of leadership are still impacting today, 25 years after the first edition. So where’s your copy? If you don’t have it now you’re late. If you didn’t pre-order it last week, you can click the link we’ve provided in the show notes and buy one for yourself, buy one for your friend, and some of you need to buy it for every one of your teammates. In fact, some of you work for some people, because I know I worked for them too, they need this book as a gift from you.

And you can set it up, you can order it, you can deliver it to them this week. Well, we are excited about this book release and we’re excited about today and being able to continue our series on the law of connection. Today is part two and in John’s book, The 21 Irrefutable Laws of Leadership, he talks about the law of connection. In fact, it’s law 10. And so today, John is going to share five signs of a solid relationship and he will set the model of how relational leadership should happen and how we can aspire to have it. After John’s lesson, I will be back with my co-host, my friend, my co-leader Becky Bursell and we will dive even further into how the laws of connection are working within Maxwell Leadership.

So, before we get started, we have a worksheet that we prepare for each episode. It’s a free fill in the blank PDF that accompanies John’s lesson. If you would like to download it today you can make note taking easier for you and for the people that you’re teaching. Just go to maxwellpodcast.com/connection and click the bonus resource button below the show notes. Okay everyone, here is John Maxwell.

John Maxwell:  Let me give you five signs of a solid relationship. How do you know when the relationship is what it should be? This works in the family life, this works if you’re on a team, in a company organization, okay. Number one, the first sign of a solid relationship is mutual enjoyment. In other words, both people can say I like this relationship. It’s not one-sided. These are the people who enjoy being together simply because we enjoy being with him. This is a great phrase. What we do together is not as important as what we are together. Now that’s a great understanding of the mutual enjoyment. And I understand this, my wife Margaret and I have this kind of relationship and I’m sure most of you do. But what that really means is, when I have some time and Margaret has to do errands I just go run around in the car and do errands with her and just enjoy. It’s not the errands, it’s just the being together. That’s the enjoyable part.

That’s what I’m talking about, about mutual enjoyment. The second sign of a solid relationship is respect. There’s a respect involved in it. There’s a great statement on respect in your notes and it’s you can’t make another person feel important if you secretly feel that he or she is a nobody. The third sign of a solid relationship is shared experiences. It is possible to love a human being if you don’t know them too long. We’ve all been there before. I think I love them, I’ve only known them for a week. That’s it, I can handle it. In a month you start reconsidering. Chuck Swindoll says that in the Marines he was taught that you should dig a hole big enough for two when preparing for combat. There’s nothing quite like fighting a battle all alone. There’s something strengthening about having a buddy with you that keeps you from panic. We all need someone to lean on.

We all need another person to show support to us. Every one of us in this room and all of the listeners hopefully have this kind of relationship with somebody. Now you don’t need this kind of relationship with a lot of people. In fact, I have come to the conclusion that all anybody can handle on this level are about a half a dozen friends. If it gets much more than that, it gets difficult. You’d have a lot of friends, but I mean on this level, probably about a half a dozen is about all that I can give the time to and handle in my own life. But every one of us know what it’s like to have a person that we share experiences with and that we just absolutely look back and enjoy greatly. Lee Iacocca one time asked legendary football coach Vince Lombardi what it took to make a winning team. This is in his book, Iacocca. He said there are a lot of coaches with good ball clubs who know the fundamentals and have plenty of discipline, but they still don’t win the games.

Then you come to the third ingredient. If you’re going to play together as a team, you’ve got to care for one another. Each player has to be thinking about the next guy and saying to himself if I don’t block that man, Paul’s going to get his legs broken. I have to do my job well in order that he can do his. He said the difference between mediocrity and greatness, Lombardi said that night, is the feeling that these guys have for each other. After the Baltimore Ravens won the Super Bowl, Bill Belichick, I saw him in an interview, they asked him, do you think you can repeat a Super Bowl champion? And it surprised me, his answer said it’ll be very difficult, which we know it’s very difficult. That didn’t surprise me. He said because with free agency and the way the teams are today, 25 to 30% of the team that was here for this Super Bowl will not be here next year.

And he said it’s hard to build a repeat champion team when you have to keep rebuilding and have to keep building relationships. He said these guys have been long enough together to really care for each other. Well, that’s part of the solid relationship level. So solid relationships are based on mutual enjoyment, respect, shared experiences. The fourth area that I think that solid relationships are built on is on reciprocity. Let me spell that, R-E-C-I-P-R-O-C-I-T-Y. And let me just talk to you about reciprocity for just a moment. For alliances to work, each ally must do a great deal for the other party repeatedly, consistently over a long period of time. Reciprocity requires that the relationship is not one-sided. Because, there are four kinds of people in your life, those who add, subtract, divide or multiply, and every relationship will affect you for good or for bad. Those who will not increase you inevitably will decrease you. Okay. And each weakness, I love this statement, each relationship nurtures a strength or a weakness within you.

So the reciprocity rule of human behavior is this, over time people come to share reciprocally similar attitudes toward each other. That’s exactly what happens. We come to common ground. Number five, one more thing on solid ground is trust. When you have a relationship built and based on solid ground, there’s a tremendous amount of trust. Warren Bennis claims that trust is one of the six basic ingredients of leadership. Integrity is the basis of trust, which is not so much an ingredient of leadership as it is a product. It is the one quality that cannot be acquired but must be earned. It’s given by coworkers and followers and without it the leader cannot function and trust the foundation upon which relationships in every setting are built. One more quote, Michael Winston of Motorola has rightly said effective leaders ensure that people feel strong and capable. In every major survey on practices of effective leaders, trust in the leaders is essential if other people are going to follow that person over time.

People must experience the leader is believable, credible, and trustworthy. One of the ways trust is developed, whether in the leader or in any other person, is through consistency and behavior. Trust is also established when words and actions match. Relationships are the glue that holds the team together.

Mark Cole:       Hey, welcome back. Becky. I love this lesson as a part two, because as all of you know, we got into last week’s lesson on part one to where John talked about surface relationships. He talked about structured relationships. He talked about this concept of secure relationships, and then he touched on solid relationships. And so now he has pushed this to the next level, in my opinion, of how do we develop solid relationships? Our standout statement today for you would be this, working together means winning together. And so now, Becky, I mean, you and I have had the chance for almost a year, we’re coming up on a year, of getting to experience leadership in a work environment, the Maxwell way. And the whole time I’m reading these five points, mutual enjoyment, respect, shared experience, I’m going to try this word as a Southern guy, reciprocity. What a great job, Mark. And then this idea of trust. And I’m sitting here, Becky, and I’m realizing as we speak how well our team is doing on these. I’m really excited about it.

Becky Bursell:   Yeah, I mean, you bring all of these values to the forefront. It’s very easy for us to look at our own experiences and almost rate them and grade them and find out where we’re dipping through. It reminds me of going to church on Sunday and you’re thinking am I being punked? Did the pastor get a note passed that this is directly for Becky and you’re supposed to evaluate all of this aspect in your life today. It’s easy to hear that and recognize where the gaps are and where we need to fill in. And from somebody who has been in Maxwell’s world, but really been in Maxwell Leadership world most recently over the last year, it has been so reaffirming to know that those principles really are applied to people and valuing people at the center of all of those.

But I think this is a great way to really go back and evaluate certain relationships in your life, and it gives you maybe permission to move them from solid back to structure or from secure back to just structured. So it’s kind of a great time and I think it’s important to evaluate relationships. Either now you decide I need to put time and effort into that relationship or maybe I don’t. And again, that phase kind of comes and goes throughout our life.

Mark Cole:       One of the things, and I love all of you for your comments and you step up to John and I all the time and talk about the podcast and its impact, and I never get accustomed to women and men stepping up and saying that really helps me. One of the things, Becky, that I hear often is what you just said, and that is, we love the practical applications of how you are applying what John’s talking about. And you just mentioned going from solid to structured and I was reminded both last week and then as I reflected this week on this podcast, I was reminded that surface has a place in relationships, too. The ability to have fun. In fact, John says in one of the five signs of solid relationship, mutual enjoyment. The ability to just have a good time.

We recently opened up our Florida offices. We’ve had a team and a presence down there for many years, but we felt like we needed to up level our team dynamic, our brand, our image, and what we’re trying to communicate in our Florida offices. And this idea of mutual enjoyment, Becky, I watched as you flew in from Utah, I watched as Deb and Gino flew in from New York, and I watched us converge on our team in Florida as a leadership team and just kind bring enjoyment, mutual enjoyment, to this ribbon cutting experience in the office. And I went, “Hey, we’re living out John’s principles with that.”

Becky Bursell:   Absolutely. It definitely helped that we have a team of people that helped prepare all of that for us. But when we get together, half the time we have to get back on topic because we just really enjoy being around each other and catching up and there’s this family reunion type of feel. And I know it’s felt all throughout all the umbrellas of Maxwell Leadership, but it’s important. It’s important to enjoy the journey, not just the accomplishment or just the process. I mean, the process has to be a part of the goal not just the outcome.

Mark Cole:       Well, and I watched you, Becky, I watched John. John says, “Hey Mark, what are you doing tomorrow? You’re in West Palm Beach.” I’m in his backyard. He lives in West Palm in the winter and he said, “What are you doing? I said, “Well, we’re opening our new office. It’s a ribbon cutting.” “Can I come?” I said, “Of course, you can always come, John. I didn’t ask you because you’re busy. You just got home.” He and I have been traveling a lot. He said, “No, no, no, no. I want to be there.” And of course he came and he always makes every party so much better. But I watched him pull you aside and talk about something that he and Margaret is working on, their new place, and you guys just having this brilliant fun time. And I went, “That’s what mutual enjoyment looks like.”

Becky Bursell:   Yeah, there are. They’re just those moments where you almost have these inside jokes because you can relate to something and it is different for everyone. We all have people that we just naturally lean towards because there’s just that mutual enjoyment of just simply being in each other’s presence. And then on the other side, do you have a friend, I have a friend like this where some people look at you kind of like why are you guys friends? Maybe they’re what I call, which I hate this term, but they’re too much for some people. And for me, I love that someone is just authentically them. Even if it offends other people to a point, I love seeing someone just own who they are, love who they are. They’re not worried about how other people are processing them and there’s just that mutual enjoyment aspect. I don’t know if it’s pure entertainment or it’s just a level of respect, but I think it’s important to have people around us like that.

Mark Cole:       Yeah. I’m that friend by the way. I’m the friend that everybody goes, “Why are you friends with them?”

Becky Bursell:   So, if you don’t know who that person is in your life-

Mark Cole:       You’re it.

Becky Bursell:   You’re obviously it.

Mark Cole:       That’s exactly right. If you do not know-

Becky Bursell:   It’s you.

Mark Cole:       … then it’s you. Hey, let’s talk a little bit about… I do want to go, I don’t want to run out of time today before we get to the final two things… but I do want to talk about this concept of shared experiences. One of the biggest things that I love about John and having traveled with him now, as of last month, today, May 1st of 2022 is my 22 year anniversary, and what I love about John of all the things, in the top five would be his ability to create memories. Now in this lesson is shared experiences, but I will tell you there is a bonding that happens. We were just recently at a golf experience with an incredible gifted, talented human being that’s brought a lot of people of faith into a worship environment. And in this environment, we began to kind of share a new experience with a new circle of friends. And I posted this Facebook post with Chris Tomlin and his wife Lauren and John. And some of you follow us on social media, whether it’s Instagram or Facebook, and there was this sheer joy-

Becky Bursell:   It was, I saw the pictures.

Mark Cole:       … because, you saw it, because of the shared experience of accomplishing something, both of them… and what little bit of role I got to play in it as well… what none of us knew that we could accomplish together. We knew we had just accomplished something that was two and a half times greater than our highest hope of accomplishment. And the sheer joy when that number and that accomplishment was announced, I just was able to capture it. We didn’t shoot a lot of pictures that night. It wasn’t really appropriate. But that one, I was just like, “Y’all got to do that again. I’ve got to post that,” because it’s this shared experience. Was the results great, Becky? Absolutely. I could bore you with all the details. It wouldn’t bore you, but I’m not going to take the time here. It was incredible. But the greatest part of that evening was the shared experience.

Becky Bursell:   And you got to do it together. You weren’t by yourself. You had a moment where you could see it on their face and your face. And again, that’s the moment that we’ll stick with you forever.

Mark Cole:       Let me tell you this, recently… I’m going to talk about another moment… I was at High Point University with Nido Qubein, and it’s a round table and you’ve already heard the leadership team meeting so you know exactly where I’m going. I’ve heard John say often that a leader’s greatest disappointment at the end of a great experience is that they don’t have somebody sitting beside them. Right? I mean we get these things, and maybe you’re even watching this podcast, maybe you bought the book, the new 25th edition, but you haven’t bought it for somebody. I’m telling you are missing the joy of shared experiences. I sat at that Nido Qubein round table and the whole time I could barely even concentrate on how powerful the experience was because I said, “My entire leadership team should be here with me.” And that’s what we’re talking about with shared experiences.

My challenge to you, to me, today, is what are you experiencing that would go to the next level if you would just share it with somebody? Again, maybe it’s as simple as this book and for those of you that are listening, I’m holding up the new edition, the 25th edition of The 21 Laws of Leadership. Don’t dig into that book by yourself. Don’t go through the digital product by yourself, and I know you’re going to go to the show notes and hear more about getting that. Don’t go to events by yourself because the power of solid relationships is in the shared experience.

Becky Bursell:   It is. And you even recognizing having that thought in that moment that you wished your lead team was there, very easily moves us into that second sign of respect because of the level of respect that you have for your team and your ability to recognize not only their capabilities but their potential, shows that sign of respect. When he actually quotes, “You can’t make another person feel important if you secretly feel they are a nobody,” almost hurts my heart. That not only is that happening, but that we’ve all done it at some point, if we’re honest with ourselves. And recognizing that everyone has something to contribute and that we can learn something from everyone, I mean, that’s just the basis of that foundation. But in regards to your lead team, they have proven to you time and time again, who they are, their heart of their intentions, what they want, that your vision always aligns, which means you’re on the right path. But that respect is reaffirmed through… it’s not just something that happens one time, I think, in this signs of solid relationship. It’s something that’s reaffirmed through growing experiences.

Mark Cole:       Yeah. Let’s move into reciprocity.

Becky Bursell:   You got it.

Mark Cole:       I nailed it. Reciprocity. Let’s get into this because for too often I’ve been in one-sided relationships. And I’ve been on the side of the relationship where I felt like I was only one receiving. So I’m not acting like I’m this big provider for everybody. There’s been times to where I did not feel like I was bringing anything to the table. And yet in leadership teams, it is incredibly important-

Becky Bursell:   Absolutely.

Mark Cole:       … that we allow others the opportunity to feel like they’re contributing. My mind, as John was teaching that, went back to my 20 year old nephew. He recently lost his dad unexpectedly and so he’s allowed me to kind of step in and be a little bit of a business life mentor to him. And when I have some time TC, Tyler Cole, calls me and he asks me this question or that question. And so I guess it was a few weeks ago, maybe a couple of months now, he called and said, “Hey, I’ve got some questions but I would really like to ask you in person. Do you have any time where you’re in town?” And I looked on my calendar and there was a Saturday that popped up. And so Tyler Cole came up and picked me up at the house and he wanted me to drive with him in his car. And so I said okay and we went to a restaurant and he said, “Now listen, before you order I just need you to know I need to buy this.”

And I went, “Oh, I cannot do that,” because I knew, listen Becky, I knew I was going to order the cheapest thing on the menu and I don’t want the cheapest thing on the menu. We’re acting like I’m all nostalgic. I wanted something really special but it was a little more costly. I just went through this whole thing and then almost immediately, this idea of reciprocity came into my mind and I went I’m getting ready to give him something with his questions and it’s going to make him feel more valued and feel like my contribution to him would be more valued if I let him pay. And so I did. He’s told me like two times since, “I am so thankful you let me do that.” Well, every one of us, Becky, every one of us want to feel like we’re contributing. And on the flip side, every one of us leaders want to make sure everybody is contributing. Right? I mean, don’t put me around people that are not bringing something to the table.

Becky Bursell:   Yes, but reciprocity… I said that right, right?

Mark Cole:       You did.

Becky Bursell:   Now I’m questioning if I said it right.

Mark Cole:       I’m bringing you down, Becky, I’m bringing you down.

Becky Bursell:   Reciprocity. Now getting me to say it with a Southern accent, that’s a whole ‘nother issue. But it is a two edge sword. In one aspect you want to be in a relationship that what’s given is what’s received, but for some of us in a leadership position that are very used to doing and executing and carrying, a part of our love language is doing things for other people. Sometimes it’s hard to receive that. And just like you noticed, it would’ve taken away from the experience had you paid for it or demanded to or said, “No, no, no. That’s what I do,” and you wanted to own that level of giving as well. It’s something that my friends tease me about.

If I’m throwing a party and they all ask what they can bring, I’m like, “No, no, no, just come with your cute self. I’ve got this covered.” And finally they just kind of sat down and they’re like, “Becky, stop it. You don’t have to do everything for everyone.” And I recognized that they wanted to bring these things. They wanted to make my life not just easier, but better, and contribute. And I was stealing that from them not even knowing, because we’ve been doing for so long.

Mark Cole:       It stems for me, this concept of really struggling with reciprocity, it goes back to John, his dinner being bought by somebody in his organization over and over again. And when it was time for him and Margaret to leave they came to him and they said, “After all we’ve done for you you’re going to leave us like this?” And so there’s really something nostalgic, maybe even something controlling by us leaders that want to just handle everything.

Becky Bursell:   What are you saying, Mark? I’m just kidding.

Mark Cole:       I looked at you, but I was looking at you because you’re-

Becky Bursell:   Nope, I own it. I own it.

Mark Cole:       … co-host with me, but there is this controlling factor for sure. But I will tell you until you learn this concept of allowing others to bring to the table and feel like they’re contributing you will not have that solid relationship you want, because if it’s ever just one-sided, whether that’s you as the leader always feeling like you’re giving, you’re going to want something back at some point.

Becky Bursell:   That’s true.

Mark Cole:       Or whether you’re the one always receiving, you’re never going to feel like you’re authentically bringing something to the table.

Becky Bursell:   Yeah. And I think over time, that’s where those solid relationships happen, is you recognize there is a balance between those things, because if you’re doing and doing and doing and doing and someone’s not returning or even receiving it, there’s going to be a resentment that builds up over time. And then how do you have a healthy relationship with that? So I definitely, from what you have modeled, Mark is the epitome of, in our lead team meetings, sitting back and really listening and making an effort to be the last one to contribute for several reasons. One, he wants to honor the leaders in that room. But two, I think because of his level of influence he tries not to influence someone up front.

He really, truly wants to know your thoughts and what direction you would go on this and creating that space. Again, it leads into all of those things. I mean, I’m going to have a great experience for the mutual experiences. It shows respect. We’re now sharing an experience that we’ve reciprocated all of those things and then we can move into that trust aspect. And it shows that you trust us enough to be in a safe space even if we don’t agree, but to at least voice it.

Mark Cole:       Yeah. I appreciate you complimenting me because this last point, I’m going to just bring myself right back down to ground, because John says the five signs of a solid relationship, and he finishes it with the number five, trust. And you were in a meeting with me recently to where I attempted to make right a situation that I feel like not only violated what I say on this podcast, I feel like it violates John’s content. I believe it violated some leaders on my team. And I think the ones that really suffered the most was our team members that were lost in the reality of a lack of trust. So let me explain, and again thank you for saying something nice about me so people won’t tune out now and go that guy is a loser.

But I realized something, we teach around here, Becky, and you know this, and you live this, that when you ask somebody to do something, whether you empower them for a project or a position, we established that we vetted everything we needed to vet when we assigned or empowered that responsibility to that individual and so trust is at the all-time highest it can be. It’s at 100%. John calls this, for all of you podcast viewers and listeners, John calls this putting a 10 on everyone’s head. You have a 10, you have a 10, it’s yours to prove that I was wrong in putting a 10 on your head. We do the same thing with trust. If we have properly vetted, interviewed, or observed a human being to join the team or to take over ownership of a project, they deserve 100% trust. Well, I violated that.

I asked somebody to handle something in our organization, actually human resources, I asked them to own it. It was owned differently at the leadership level. It was owned differently with a daily administrative level. And I never could get comfortable that they could treat human resources, treat the culture that I have fought for 22 years as good as me or a couple of people that had been around me a long time. Right? And that’s normal. There’s nothing bad with that.

Becky Bursell:   It’s so normal.

Mark Cole:       But it’s wrong. It’s wrong. And I asked them, I said, “Okay, it’s yours.” They talked me into restructuring and reassigning and I said, “Okay, it’s yours. It’s yours. It’s yours.” But the whole time, every time that was a little bump or there was a little challenge or a little ripple, I’d go, “Hey, have you checked with this other person? Hey, why didn’t you check with me on that?” How many love that leader that says it’s yours but check with me before you do everything? Check with me before you think.

Becky Bursell:   It’s not very fun.

Mark Cole:       It’s not very fun. And I did this, and I did it over and over again until that leadership behavior by me began to wear out the team’s ability to feel comfortable in what they knew to do to help people. And we had a huge challenge, a challenge that if you dealt with just the behaviors or the decisions in the situation, would’ve been terrible. But fortunately for me this time, I wish I could get it right every time, fortunately for me this time I went, “Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, wait, I don’t want to talk about the details of messing it up. I want to talk about what caused the missteps in the first place.” And what I discovered was it was my inability or my lack of determination, or my lack of commitment to give trust on the front end. I was waiting for trust to be earned and by doing that and micromanaging that, I, the senior leader who had violated the trust commitment that I make with people, had created the problem.

Now, you said in that meeting you watched our team really rally around that. But I think my biggest point that I want to make here is that truly for there to be solid relationships, for me, Becky, for you, for our team, for you podcast listener, podcast viewer, you will not have solid relationships without this trust factor.

Becky Bursell:   That’s true.

Mark Cole:       And I don’t believe trust is earned. I believe trust is given. And I believe trust is established after the leader extends trust. But so many times as leaders, we go, “You’ve got to earn my trust.” And in leadership, I don’t believe that’s accurate.

Becky Bursell:   It’s got to be opposite, so I agree. The same way that optimistically you always give people the benefit of a doubt until they prove you wrong and you might have to adjust some boundaries, I think trust should be the same way. And when we are equipping leaders, I mean if you have a team of people that you’re equipping as well, being able to give them that is everything. It’s also how they see themselves through your eyes. So what you’re allowing them to do is what you’re telling them you believe. I’ll give you an example. I’m a huge University of Utah fan. My husband is alumni. We go to every football game. We buy way too many tickets even if they’re winning or losing, but I love it. Coach Wittingham, who is the head coach, there was a young man one year, his job is to just punt return, that’s all he does. Catches the ball, runs it back. They punt it, he catches it, they run it back.

For people that are not football fans, I’m just breaking it down trying not to get too technical. This young man had broken almost all the records at the school for punts returned, touchdowns. I mean a hundred yard touchdown, which is almost unheard of in football all together. Well, there was one particular game where, again, punted off, he caught it, he ran it back and it was like a 98 yard touchdown. And right before the end zone, sometimes these young men do this celebration thing where they throw the ball back under them and he had done that. So in his mind he had crossed the goal line and had thrown the ball back. Well the ref, nobody blew their whistle, everybody in the crowd is going crazy, they’re yelling, they’re screaming there’s a touchdown, and the ball is on the ground. It’s a live ball because he never crossed the threshold with the ball, which is an actual technical touchdown.

One of the kids on the other team… I mean, this is like 30 seconds, 60 seconds, ball’s just on the ground, ref is just standing there looking at the ball and not blowing his whistle… and one of the kids on the other team realizes that’s a live ball, picks it up, runs it all the way down and the rough calls a touchdown. The whole crowd, it was silent. Have you ever been in an arena with tens of thousands of people and it’s completely silent? This was that moment. Now everybody in the crowd, after watching it on the big screen, thought you better kick that kid out of the school let alone off the field. I mean, they were just ready to take him. Coach Wittingham, as a leader, knew… because guess what happens after a touchdown? Somebody kicks the ball again and you have to return this kick. Coach knew to put that kid right back out on the field.

I don’t think there’s a moment he’d probably been more mortified or questioned his ability or his ego had been bruised, I mean, it was probably the lowest of the low moment. And coach Whit said, “Nope, this is your job. Brush it off. You get back out there.” And you should have seen everybody in the crowd. I’m pretty sure they booed their own player when he came back out, it was that bad. And that kid had to catch the ball. But as leaders, it’s so easy for us to say I’ll pick it up or I’ll adjust or I’ll just make other arrangements. But imagine what it says to that young man to say, “No, you made a mistake.” That’s all that was, and to give them that self-confidence and to push them through. I mean, that gives you so much perspective in life. I mean, whether that’s your child or that’s someone in your leadership team, but trust on both sides has to work. So they’ve proven through time that you can earn more trust, I think, that you can give them more, they’re capable of more.

You’ve been able to see that with your own eyes. But I think the second part to trust is forgiveness, because nobody’s perfect. I mean, the Mark Coles, the Becky Bursells, the John Maxwells, as great intention as we have, as much as we’ve learned, as many books as we’ve read, we’re still going to make mistakes. So being around people that also understand that the flip side to trust or that second phase is forgiveness and letting it go and then re-empowering. And there’ll be several times that you re-empower re-empower. Now, if you have to re-empower too much, you can start to question maybe I’ve given them a little too much trust in that process. And the worst thing that can happen is somebody who just gets really good at apologizing and doesn’t get good at changing their actions. So trust, it’s a big category in that aspect, but the willingness… and it speaks a lot to you, Mark… the willingness to recognize that about yourself and then to share that, not just with our lead team but to all the world and the podcast, I mean, you’re just rebuilding and you’ve reaffirmed-

Mark Cole:       You’re establishing trust.

Becky Bursell:   You’ve reaffirmed it. And it is an ongoing process. It’s not something you do once. It’s not like you got married at the altar and now it’s fine, you don’t have to work on it at all. It’s a relationship it’s definitely going to take time.

Mark Cole:       When you were talking about what the coach did, and then also you made a comment that it is not perfection, I was reminded of the John Mark Green quote that says a great relationship requires deep connection not perfection.

Becky Bursell:   Absolutely.

Mark Cole:       And I think that’s what we’ve attempted in this podcast the last two episodes, we’ve really attempted to tell you that what John said in the book, 21 Laws of Leadership, this law of connection, law number 10, it really is a game changer. It really is absolutely what we believe is kind of the linchpin, the piece that will make the difference for you in your leadership is your ability to connect. So I’m going to challenge you again. I want you to pick up the new book, pick it up, and if you’ve already read it, it’s time to read it again. If you haven’t read it you need the new edition, go and pick that up. In fact, in our show notes you’ll find the link. Go find that link, put in the keyword podcast and we’ll give you a 15% discount. Also, I want to challenge you to pick up the digital product. We’ve created a brand new resource that will walk you through every law of the 21 laws and you will benefit.

Hey, you guys always add value to us when you bring us or give us comments. And today I’m especially passionate about today’s comment on the podcast, and I’ll tell you why. I’ll read it and then I’ll give you the name. But he says, “I’m a captain at a municipal fire department. I use the leadership podcast all the time to better lead my crew. I have even created a leadership presentation, mostly of ideas I’ve learned from your podcast, and have presented it to everyone on the department. Keep up the good work.” Kyle was listening to Why John Wooden’s Team Won Part Two when he left us that comment. And Kyle, I’ve got to tell you, we get a lot of comments, we get a lot of moments that just impact us for the work that we do in our podcast and what we’re trying to do here at Maxwell Leadership, but knowing that we get to be a part of your fire department and of your team, that selflessly, sacrificially, and even with great potential danger to you, you allow us to be a part of you and your ability to serve.

That’s why we do what we do. That’s why we wake up early in the morning. That’s why we can’t sleep at night. It’s to see people like you, Kyle, and many others on the podcast be impacted. Hey, we’ll see you next week. Join us. And until then, listen, learn, love, and then lead.